Uhm, yeah. You might have noticed my inactivity.

I was kinda busy with fixing my school results. That failed in the end, I didn't pass my class but I didn't want to, either.
So next year I'll be starting a new class. How to be a teachers assistant. And then, after that, I'm going to a school to learn how to be a real teacher

Uhm well it was my birthday in May, and my parents got me a really cool and huge gift. They got me the Sony Alpha 350, with a 18-70mm lens! That was really awesome I'm finally figuring it out now, I finally get the Manual, how to do that all and stuff and the pictures are getting better, if I may say so myself.

Something less nice was the fact that I had a boyfriend. He was really sweet and caring but after 7 weeks I think he decided he needed another toy. So he dumped me. It was a pretty awkward breakup. Because he decided to break up on msn, while he just saw me a day ago and could have said it then, so easily. But he was just to frightened I guess.
I tried talking to him, but he just went ignoring me or just said ' BUT I DON'T LOVE YOU SO NOW GET OVER ME'. Or just said that he didn't want to talk because he knew I would get mad in the end anyway.
But he didn't quite remember he still left some clothes at my place, I guess. So now I've thrown away all the clothes he left here. A hoodie, a sweater, a skinny jean, skater jeans, you know, the Overzeas kinda thing.
And uh yeah I threw that away. He got kinda pissed but ah well, not my problem. I gave him the opportunity to talk, and he rejected it. So yeah, not my problem. He already has another girlfriend and he started the "relationship" with a lie already; he told her I dumped him. So yeah I told her what she was getting herself into and she was like "I don't care, I love him". All I could think was; yeah, that's what I said to everyone who said anything negative about him the past few weeks. But then I decided she can fall herself. I'm not going to try to prevent her from falling. It's not my problem anymore.

It still feels kinda weird. He was a place safe. When I was in some issues at home, he was the one to turn to. He was the one to hug me and he always told me I would get through this, and that he would pull me through it all. That if it was needed, he could get his parents so far to let me sleep there for a couple of days, maybe even weeks. He was all of it, and I gave him all I could give. And now it just feels like I've been tricked for 7 weeks. I hate to be someones toy and it's just how it feels. We still could have been friends if I would just have waited some time. But I decided we couldn't be friends. I trusted him with my heart, my head, my life. And he didn't care enough to keep that trust. Gaining someones trust isn't enough. Every day you need to keep making sure you still deserve this trust.
I'm not mad at him for breaking up with me. I'm mad at him for not trying to give it time and space to fix the issues. Yeah we were in a rough time, where I was just being pissed and he was just all obsessed with his band. But he always told me we could beat anything.

And now he was the person that gave up. That made me pissed; he gave up on me. Now he all of sudden wants to talk, but I've said no.
I'm giving up on him now. I've seen how much I destroyed just to be with him. I see how much people I've let down, just to be with him. How many people I haven't spoken too while I was dating him, just because he got jealous.

I'm better off without him, and I know that now. But those were practically 3 months. Getting to know him, actually dating, being together, and the after-phase; breaking up and forgetting.

I'm not going to forgive. Maybe when he's older and understands what bridges he burnt.

At this point, he can seriously walk to hell and get burned. I wouldn't care less. You can hurt someone, you can beat someone to the ground, or you can crush someone and spread it out on the ground.

He hurt me,
and yeah he beat me to the ground.
But all of that isn't half as painful as finding out I was crushed and spread out on the ground.

Luckily I'm happier again. Not depressive anymore about the whole not-having-him-here-anymore-things, and actually enjoying life a bit more.

Cause hey, there are other fishes in the sea, and as I'm still having a long life, who am I to hurry things up?

Anyway, those were the past couple of months.